Atrophy
by flavoredwater
Summary: When Arizona gets diagnosed with breast cancer, can Arizona pull through? Will Callie be able to make it, too? How will everything pan out?
1. Chapter 1

"Do you know how much I love you?" Arizona asked.

Callie laughed. "No," she playfully said. "Tell me again."

"I just had a rough day at work, you know? I just want to rela-"

"What are you doing?" Arizona asked.

Callie took off her shirt. "I'm ah..i'm helping."

Callie ran her hand across Arizona's breast and stopped for a second.

"Hey, you have a-you have a lump."

"Oh, yeah, I noticed it the other day but I don't think it's anything." Arizona hastily replied, ready to feel Callie for the first time in a couple of days.

Callie didn't take the reply. "Arizona, seriously. I'm making you an appointment to get it checked out, because I know you won't do it yourself."

"You're a good wife, Calliope."

Callie continued..helping.

"Arizona, your appointment is today at 3 PM, alright? Seriously, you better go or I'll kick your ass."

Arizona whined. "Callie, I'm going to go. I'm telling you, it's nothing. I feel great! I'm fine."

"If you're not okay-" Callie began.

"No, Calliope." Arizona saw tears brim in Callie's eyes.

"I'm young, I'm healthy, I'm fine."

"Hi, Dr. Robbins, I'm Dr. Jenson, I'm going to check out your suspicious lump."

"Okay. I've had it for a while I think but uh, I think I just noticed it officially a few days ago. It's right here," Arizona pointed to the area where the lump was.

"Hm, yes. There's definitely something there, but it could go away. Can I check your lymph nodes?"

"Yeah, they're a bit swollen too. But that can be from anything. I'm going to send you down to radiology to have a mammogram and draw some blood, and then we'll have you back for the results in a couple of days. You're a healthy, young individual. I'm sure you're fine, it could just be a false alarm."

Arizona smiled nervously. "Thanks, Dr. Jenson."

"Yeah, no problem. We'll call you in a few days with your results, Dr. Robbins."

"Hey, Calliope," Arizona started. "I went to the appointment today."

"Oh," Arizona smiled nervously. "What did he-what did he say?"

"I got a mammogram and a few tubes of blood drawn, and I'll get the results soon. Like, in a couple of days."

Callie looked down. "Hey, hey, I'm fine. He said that it's probably just a false alarm and I'm-I'm sure he's right."

Callie grinned. "You make me feel reassured all the time, you know that? The sky could be falling, and I wouldn't even be worried with you around."

Arizona laughed. "I know, I'm such a charmer."

Callie snickered. She wouldn't give her wife up for the whole world.

Callie saw Mark a few days later, and it was about the time when Arizona was supposed to get her results back.

"Hey, Mark."

"Heya, Callie. What's with your face? You've looked worried for a few days now but I just figured it wasn't anything.."

"Arizona had a lump. In her breast. She-she's gone to the doctor, and today we're supposed to get the results and..Mark, what if it is cancer?"

Mark sighed and immediately grabbed Callie for a bear hug. "Callie, I'm sure she'll be fine-"

"No, Mark! Everyone keeps saying that. 'I'm sure she'll be fine.' 'I'm sure it's nothing.' I can't stand it anymore."

Mark put his hand on Callie's shoulder. "If it is something, Callie, you two can get through it. I know it."

Callie let out a single tear. "I know I'm just over reacting you know, but losing her..it's the worst thought."

Arizona's pager started going off. _Dr Jensen._

Arizona froze. "My results," she whispered.

Just then, Callie snuck up behind her. "What's up with the worried look-"

Callie stopped immediately as soon as Arizona put her pager away. She knew what it was, and it was coming from miles away.

"I-I'll come with you. I know it's nothing, we'll walk in and he'll tell us it's nothing and we'll be fine."

Arizona nodded and smiled lovingly at Callie. "Come on, baby, let's go."

As they approached Dr. Jensen's office, Callie felt something tug in her stomach. She knew Arizona was going to be fine, really. She was just nervous."

"Ah, Dr. Torres, Dr. Robbins. Please, sit down."

Immediately, fear struck Arizona.

"The results of your tests concluded that.."


	2. Chapter 2

"Your test results confirmed that you have stage three breast cancer."

Everything stopped. The tears didn't stop, though, they came even harder.

Arizona was extremely young. She had just gotten married a year ago. She was the head of the pediatrics ward at SGMW. She was healthy.

Breast cancer?

Callie broke down into sobs and nestled her head into her wives shoulder. "Ariz-Arizona,"

"What are my treatment options?"

"We can remove the breast with the lump in it, and we can do radiation or chemo-"

"No. I want you to remove both my breasts."

Callie's head shot up. "Arizona..are you-sure?"

Arizona's tears flew even harder.

"Yes, I am. And I want it done as soon as I can. No waiting."

Arizona was admitted to SGMW as soon as possible.

"Okay, Dr. Robbins, your surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. Try and rest, we'll check up on you periodically."

Arizona sat, stone silent. She didn't want to believe it was happening.

"Arizona.."

Callie broke out in full sobs again. She couldn't believe what was happening to her wife. She was amazingly healthy, beautiful, and young. But, she had breast cancer.

"Shh, Callie. Just.." Arizona choked back a sob. "Come here, lay down with me. Please?"

Callie nodded, slipping into the tiny hospital bed with Arizona.

"I'm so sorry, Calliope. I'm just so sorry."

Callie's body shook with an intense need to cry. She couldn't lose Arizona.

"It's not your fault. I just can't lose you, Arizona. You're my best friend."

"I know I am. I'm just so angry. I know I've had this lump for a few days now at least, but how long have I really had it? How stupid was I to notice it a few days ago and not do anything about it.."

Arizona stopped crying. She just wanted to fall asleep with Callie's arms around her. She felt totally safe, like nothing could hurt her. Tomorrow, she'd have surgery. Tomorrow, she'd try her damnedest to fight this cancer. She wouldn't give up, she had a whole life to fight for.

Arizona turned her head and rested it right next to Callie's.

"Calliope, I'm going to go to sleep, okay? I love you so much."

"I love you too, Arizona. I always will."

After a while, the whole hospital started to come by Arizona's room. Mark heard first, and came in the room to comfort a sobbing Callie.

"M-Mark," Callie whimpered. "What if she actually dies?"

"You know, Callie, you always were a worrywart. We'll cross that bridge when it comes to it, alright? Until then, if you ask me, or anyone, that question again, I'll kick your ass personally."

Callie chuckled a bit. Mark always made her feel better when Arizona wasn't there to do it.

What if Arizona wouldn't be able to do it anymore?

Suddenly, Alex burst through the door, about to fly out of his skin.

"What-what is it? I heard she was sick, but.."

"She-she has stage three breast cancer."

Alex looked down.

"Is she going to be okay? Is she going to..?"

"She's getting both of her breasts taken off tomorrow."

"But..is there lumps in both breasts? She could only lose one-" Alex was interrupted.

Arizona had apparently been awake ever since Alex walked in the room, and she chimed in.

"I know the lump is only in one breast," she replied coldly. "I want them both off anyways. To be safe."

Alex jumped at the sound of her voice.

"A-are you..okay?" Alex's voice broke.

"I'm fine, Alex. You've got a job to do. I'm giving it to you, right now."

Alex froze. "Yeah?"

"Make sure my ped's ward doesn't get screwed up. Please? I've trained you good. No, I've trained you great. Make sure it doesn't get screwed up."

Callie's breathing was heard around the whole room.

"I will." Suddenly, Alex's pager beeped and he ran off.

Mark let go of Callie and sat next to Arizona's bed.

"Hey, girl. I know this might be soon, but-"

"Mmm," Arizona started. "I don't want to have reconstructive breast surgery. At least, not yet."

Mark smiled. "You just know all the questions that people are gonna ask, huh?"

Arizona let out a chuckle. "Of course I do. I'm Arizona KnowItAll Robbins."

Mark left the room, smiling.

Arizona titled her head and saw Callie was smiling too.

"Hey, it's late, Callie. You should go home and just rest-I'll be fine."

Callie scowled. "You're damn crazy, Arizona Robbins, if you think I'll even leave for a second right now. It's only 6 AM, anyways."

Arizona smiled. There was the wife she knew.

"Well, if you're not going to leave the hospital, at least go get some breakfast for yourself, huh? You've been up for forever. You probably didn't even sleep."

It was 6 A.M and Arizona's surgery was in six hours.

Callie nodded. "Right away. I love you."

Callie placed a small kiss on Arizona's head.

As Callie walked out, Dr. Jenson walked in, along with his resident.

"Hi, Arizona. How are you?"

"Hmm. Putting aside the fact that I'm losing both of my breasts in about six hours and you just told me I have breast cancer, I'm fine."

Dr. Jensen and his resident flinched a bit at the tone of hostility hidden deep in Arizona's voice.

"Well, ah..that's good. Are you considering reconstructive breast surgery?"

"No. Not yet, anyways. I want to see how everything goes first."

Dr. Jensen nodded. "Very well. We'll come check on you again soon to prep for your surgery, sign all the consent forms, et cetera."

Dr. Jensen motioned to his resident. "Replace her I.V fluids bag. Dr. Robbins, if you need anything, page me."

Arizona smiled as friendly as she could manage.

About an hour later, Callie came back into Arizona's hospital room.

"Hey, babe." Callie put a kiss on Arizona's head.

"Hmm, hey."

"You have your surgery in a few hours. Are you scared?"

Arizona mused. "No, I don't think so. Not scared of the procedure, anyways."

Callie knew exactly what Arizona meant. She wasn't scared of the procedure. She was just scared of the cancer.

Truth be told, Arizona hadn't been this nervous in forever. The last time she was super nervous was the moment before she first kissed Callie.

Arizona let out a small laugh.

"Huh? What's so funny? C'mon, tell me!"

"I was just thinking-I've never been this nervous since the first time I kissed you in that dirty bar bathroom."

Callie grinned. "You were nervous? You didn't seem like it."

"On the inside, I was shitting myself."

Callie laughed. She never thought a kiss in the dirty bar bathroom would have resulted in a beautiful, loving marriage with this incredible woman. She stroked her ring and smiled.

"You're incredible, you know that?" Arizona whispered, adoringly.

"Definitely."

"Hey, Calliope?"

"Yeah, Arizona?"

"I'm gonna get some sleep. You know, before the surgery. I love you."

"I love you too, Arizona Robbins."

Dr. Jensen entered the room. "Hi, Dr. Torres. Can you wake her up? It's time to get her prepped."

Arizona woke at the touch of Callie's fingers. "Huh-is it time?"

"Yes, baby. They're gonna prep you right now."

They wheeled Arizona off to surgery. Callie let her know at least 30 times how much she loved her before she left.

They put Arizona under, and started the surgery.

Arizona knew this was just the beginning. The cancer could be worse than seen on tests, the cancer could be very easy, or it could go away and then immediately come back. She just knew that she couldn't have Callie lose her. It would break Callie in half, and she didn't want that to happen. Arizona was going to fight, no matter what.

"Hi, Mark."

"Hey, Callie. Is she in surgery?"

"Yeah. Yeah, she is."

Mark grabbed her hand. "I know she's going to be fine, Callie."

"What if the cancer is worse than they guessed? What if they find it's progressed even more when they open her up?"

"Like I said this morning. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it."


	3. Chapter 3

"Dr. Torres?" Dr. Jensen called out.

Callie was asleep, and Mark was still sitting with her.

"Callie, wake up." Mark nudged Callie. "Callie!"

"Huh-what-"

"Arizona's doctor."

"Oh. Dr. Jensen, how..what happened? Don't cut corners, just tell me."

Dr. Jensen's face lowered. "When we were operating, we found the breast cancer was more..progressive, than we had thought..I can explain more to both you and your wife once she wakes up."

Callie shattered right in Mark's arms. She sobbed uncontrollably.

"Where-where-what-what room-" She tried to ask Dr. Jensen what room she was in, but couldn't manage the words, so Mark asked for her.

"What room is Arizona in? Her same one? I know they sometimes move patients-"

"She's in her same room. You can go and see her, but she's still asleep. I'm..i'm very sorry."

Callie let out a faint "yes" in between her sobs.

Arizona better live. She better make it. Everything was getting worse by the second, and her life was changing in an instant.

She never thought she'd be on the other end..the receiving end of all the bad news that she gave patients.

Callie let out a faint laugh. "Mark, I never thought this would happen. How is this going to change her?"

"I don't know, Callie. We'll get through it. This is us crossing the bridge."

Callie arrived in Arizona's room a few minutes later. She was just starting to come awake.

"Hey.." Arizona greeted her wife.

Callie wiped away tears. "Hey, baby. How do you feel?"

Arizona winced. "Like shit. How did the surgery go?"

Callie let tears drop. "Dr. Jensen will be in in just a few minutes to talk about it."

Arizona immediately stopped looking at her wife, and instead closed her eyes.

"Don't..don't give me that cookie cutter answer that we give to our patients." Arizona said, angry malice lacing the words that just flew out of her mouth. "Just tell me. Tell me it's worse, because I know that's what it is. Damn it!" Arizona yelled.

Callie's voice broke. "I'm-I'm so sorry Arizona. I'm so sorry."

"How has it progressed?"

"I don't know. Dr. Jensen..he said he'd come in. He wanted to wait until you were awake to talk."

Arizona let out sobs. "Fuck. I can't believe this. I'm going to die, aren't I? This has to be a joke."

Arizona was sobbing so hard that her body became numb. She was in so much pain from the surgery.

Dr. Jensen walked in.

"Oh..i'm very sorry. I can leave and come back, if you'd like."

"No." Arizona quickly said. "I need to know how it's progressed. I need to know."

"Well, the cancer has metastasized to your skin. It could possibly grow more, too."

Arizona froze.

"It could get worse?"

"Yes. We're going to start you on chemotherapy but..it's going to be very harsh on your body. It's going to start becoming very difficult."

"Yeah, I know how hard it is! You're not the only doctor here, Jensen."

He sighed. "I'm very sorry. I know how hard it is-"

"You don't. Not until you're on the receiving end."

He frowned. "I'll come back tomorrow to start on your chemotherapy. You need to rest. Start calling your families."

"Arizona."

"What?" She answered, bitterly.

"Please. Don't take this out on me, this isn't anybody's fault."

Arizona sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm just..i'm in shock. I don't know what to do."

"It's okay. We should really call your parents-"

"No. I'm not calling my parents. Not yet."

"Do you really want to wait that long? I mean..you're going to start chemotherapy. I think you'd really like your parents to be here."

Arizona smiled sarcastically. "That's exactly why I don't want them here. It's going to be rough. I don't want them to have to see this. They've already lost one child. I don't want them to watch another one die."

Callie sighed. "If that's what you want. I just love you so much. I'll be here, 24/7. I'm never leaving."

Arizona smiled at her wife. "I know you aren't."

Arizona woke up the next day to nurses getting ready to replace her I.V.

"Sorry, your I.V fell out overnight. As you know, it's going to pinch."

The nurse slipped in her I.V, and Arizona flinched.

"Huh-what's goin' on?" Callie mumbled, as she slowly woke up.

"Ah, I think I'm going into my chemotherapy session soon. Go back to sleep."

"No, no. Not if you're going to your chemo session. I want to be there with you." Callie insisted.

Arizona yawned. "Alright. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Hey, Callie?" Arizona called. "Can you promise me you'll go home after this? Just, freshen up, wash your clothes.." Arizona trailed off.

Callie laughed. "Are you saying I'm dirty?"

"Uh..just a little bit?"

Callie smiled. "Of course I will. But only after I know you're alright."

After the chemotherapy, Callie wheeled Arizona back to her room.

"Do you feel the effects yet?"

"No..not yet. I don't know how long it will take..i'm hoping it takes a very long time." She said, regretfully. She didn't want to do chemo, but it was one of her only choices.

"I know, baby. I know."

"Once we get to your room and you're all settled in again, I'm going to go take a walk, get out of the hospital like you're so insistent on me doing, alright?"

Arizona grinned. "You've been in this hospital too much. You need to get out for a while. But..before you leave, can you bring me some food?"

"Of course I can."

As Callie dropped the bag of food off in Arizona's room and kissed her goodbye, Arizona watched her wife walk out of the room. She loved her so much. She was doing good with this on the outside, but she knew on the inside that if there was any mention of bad news, no matter how slight, Callie would break.

The straw that broke the camels back wasn't far, either. Arizona could tell.

Arizona unwrapped the food and started taking a bite.

As she finished the whole sandwich, her stomach cramped. She was going to puke.

This was just the start of the chemotherapy. The puking.

Arizona flung out of bed, rolled her I.V with her, and went into the bathroom. She puked the food up.

Was this how it was going to be? It was going to get worse.

As Arizona turned to leave the bathroom and go back into her bed, she saw Mark standing in the doorway.

He grabbed Arizona and helped her into her bed.

"So, you've started puking?" He asked.

"This was the first time. I just know it's going to get worse too." Arizona said, defeated.

"I don't want Callie seeing me like this, Mark. I just wish I could shield her from it all."

Mark sighed. "She wishes she could take your place."

"I just know that soon, it's going to get worse. And she's going to snap. She's being so brave, sure..but I know Calliope. That won't last for long."

Mark smiled. "Callie is so predictable after a while, huh?"

Arizona let out a roar of a laugh. "Wouldn't we both go crazy if she wasn't?"

"Damn right!"

Callie walked into Arizona's room.

"Hey, babe. How was your sandwich?"

"It was, ah, good. How was the outside of the hospital, huh?"

Callie laughed. "It was boring. There's nothing happening, it's much nicer in here with my beautiful wife." She ran her hands through Arizona's hair, and as she pulled her hand back, clumps of hair came out.

Arizona choked back tears. "Beautiful wife who's losing hair like an old lady, huh?" she said, bitterly.

Callie looked at her wife, on the verge of tears. "We'll shave it all off. It'll be oka-"

"No! It's not okay!" Arizona snapped. "I'm in my thirties and I'm losing hair, puking up my food! It's not even the end, either, it's going to get worse!"

Callie managed to speak in between tears. "I know it's not okay!" She screamed. "I know you're losing your hair, I know you can't eat! I know it's going to get worse!"

"No-"

"Do you think I'm stupid, Arizona?! You're my wife! I know it's not okay. Stop acting like I'm an idiot!"

Callie stormed off, leaving a flabbergasted Arizona in her cold hospital bed. Everyone outside of their room was staring, mouths agape.

The straw finally broke the Callie's back.

Arizona already had tons of straws. Callie had them, too. This wasn't surprising, it was going to happen eventually.

Mark walked into Arizona's room, and started at all the nurses, doctors, et cetera staring into her room.

"Get back to work!" Mark yelled.

Ever since Arizona had became sick, everyone stared into her room anyways.

Her wife hadn't worked a single day since the diagnosis because of how stressed she was, and Arizona was slowly dying. People stood outside my room and cried, people whispered about me, people talked about me. I was the hospitals latest gossip.

I always knew one day I'd be the subject of gossip. I just didn't think it'd be like this.

Callie ran into the nearest supply closet, sobs piercing the quiet, closed room. Suddenly, Mark walked in.

"Go away!"

"Callie-"

"Mark, I said go away, damn it!"

Mark sighed and closed the door. He wasn't leaving his best friend.

Instead, he sat against the door while Callie cried.

Callie wanted the amazing dimples back. She wanted the beautiful, piercingly blue eyes.

The dimples and the piercingly blue eyes were empty ever since the chemotherapy.

No. Everything about Arizona was empty since the chemotherapy.

Callie wished it was her. She'd trade places with Arizona any time of the day.

"Arizona, you paged me?" Dr. Jensen said, as he waltzed his way into Arizona's room.

"You never told me something."

"Hmm, and what is that?"

"What is my survival rate?"

"Arizona-"

"What is my _fucking _survival rate?"

Dr. Jensen sighed. "Your survival rate is currently at thirty percent."

Thirty percent.

So I had a seventy percent chance of dying.

The odds were..horrible. The odds were the worst odds I'd ever had in my life.

Arizona chuckled. She was being stubborn as hell. Not with her treatment, of course, but she never let anyone stop working to talk to her. She didn't want everyone dropping their work to talk to someone and have them act like Arizona was dying, because to her, she wasn't.

But as she got the odds, she thought that she should maybe reconsider calling her parents, getting her affairs in order.

"Does Callie know?"

"No- Well, kind of. I told her your odds were touch and go, but that's about it. Do you want me to tell her?" Dr. Jensen asked.

"No. I'll do it."

"Is there a chance I can go into remission?"

"There's a very high chance. The only downfall is, once you do, there is a severe risk you will relapse again in a short amount of time."

Great. More bad news.

"Can you get a nurse to get me an electric shaver?"

"Sure, Dr. Robbins."

Dr. Jensen walked out of the room, stoic.

The only human interaction she had in the coming hours was when a nurse finally brought the shaver.

Callie silently walked into Arizona's room. Everyone who witnessed the argument was now staring into the room, waiting for the next argument. Callie drew the blinds and shut the door.

"I'm-" They both started to talk.

"Uh, you first, Calliope."

"I'm so, so sorry. I just..I just got frustrated. I understand you're sick but taking it out on me won't help."

"I know. I've been an asshole. I deserve it, but I can't make any promises. You just have to understand I don't mean it."

Callie sighed. Could she overlook Arizona's anger?

She smiled at her own doubt. Arizona was Callie's amazing wife. She knew that once she beat the cancer, she'd be back to somewhat normal. It was worth going through this rough spot.

"I uh, I want you to shave my head."

"Are you sure? You don't want to keep your hair right now?"

"It's just going to fall out even more, and it's just going to make me feel worse. Please?" Arizona pleaded, as she handed her wife the electric shaver.

"Of course, Arizona."

"And..Calliope? Can you call my parents?"

Callie stiffened. She knew there must be something worse going on now that Arizona wanted her parents.

"I will. I love you, Arizona Robbins."

"I love you, Calliope Iphigenia Torres."

When her parents got here, she'd break them the news.

Callie knew the odds weren't good, but she thought there was about a 65% chance. That was still amazing.

Callie had no idea it was only 30%. 30% was still good, but it isn't good enough.

The straws on the camel's back were starting to somehow get heavier.


	4. Chapter 4

Arizona smiled for the first time in quite a while. When she woke up today, she felt..good. She didn't feel like she'd puke after she ate, she didn't feel like she'd snap at her wife because of how exhausted she was.

She felt great.

Suddenly, she remembered one important fact that made her smile go away. Her parents were coming.

She went to go drag her fingers through her hair – she always did that when she was stressed – but as she went to do so, her fingers touched her bare scalp. She forgot about not having hair.

"Damn it." Arizona whispered. "Just..damn it."

Then there was the fact that she had to tell Callie and her parents there was a seventy percent chance of her dying.

Why hadn't Callie asked Dr. Jensen yet, though? Maybe it was just too much for Callie. Maybe she didn't want to know how bad her cancer was. Arizona certainly wouldn't blame her.

Last night, Arizona overheard Callie voicing her concerns to Mark. Her wife was so scared.

_"Oh, Mark." Callie whispered, in between tears._

_"Shh, shh."_

_"What if she doesn't make it?"_

_Mark chuckled. "Do you know how many times you've asked me that question, Callie?"_

_Callie gave Mark a stern face. "I'm just concerned about my wife, damn it. Is that so bad?"_

_"What's bad is that you've practically put her in a coffin. She's still here, Callie."_

_"It's just..i'm so scared she won't make it. I'm so scared that she'll just give up. She's broken right now, you know? And I know Arizona. When she's broken, she forgets that there's so much more to everything, and she just focuses on the negative."_

_Mark exhaled. "We'll cross the bridges when they get there, okay?"_

_Callie sniffled. "Yeah. Okay."_

Arizona knew her wife was broken, too. She's busy holding herself together with tape and glue, and right now, the tape and the glue isn't holding.

Callie walked in the room a bit quickly.

"Hey babe, I just picked up your parents from the airport-"

"Wait, wait. They're already here?!" Arizona asked, panicked.

"Yeah, their flight got in quite early. They're getting their things situated right now at the hotel."

"Aw, man, I'm not even ready.."

"Arizona Robbins." Callie said, sternly.

"What? Is it a crime to want to look presentable for my parents, huh?"

"It's a crime because you already look fine. Get back in your bed before I kick your ass a bit."

Arizona smirked. "Alright, alright."

"They'll be here in about thirty minutes, so just try not to get too stressed or something. It's just your parents."

"I know it's just my parents, but I'm just worried. They've never seen me sick."

Callie's face turned into a confused look. "What, you never got super sick as a kid?"

Arizona grinned proudly. "Nope. I had the immune system of everyone's dreams."

"Yeah, you're lucky. If I barely walked into a hospital, I got sick for weeks. I was horrible."

Arizona let out a roar of a laugh. "Yet you became a doctor, huh?"

"My immune system got better!"

"Of course it did, Calliope." Arizona said, with a hint of sarcasm.

"Hmph."

Arizona's parents both waltzed into her room.

"Arizona!" Barbra yelled.

"Woah." She hadn't been in contact with anyone this loud in quite a while. "Hi, Mom."

"Arizona," Daniel said, as he leaned in to give her a hug.

Callie stood in the corner, smiling. Arizona's parents lit up as soon as they saw her.

"You know, Arizona, you look good bald. You should've shaved your head when you were younger, the girls would have loved it. You'd have been a real player." Barbra whispered.

Callie snorted.

"Well, Mom, I'm glad to see you haven't changed. At all. Not in the slightest."

"Would I still be your mom if I didn't tease you?"

"No." Daniel chimed in.

Arizona suddenly remembered the plans she had made today with Teddy as she walked into the door.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Robbins." Teddy greeted, smiling.

"Oh, Teddy. You know you can call us by our names, dear!" Barbra insisted.

Teddy chuckled."Okay, Barbra."

Arizona grinned. "Hey, uh, Callie? You should go out to lunch with my parents?"

"Are you sure? We can stay-"

"No, really. Go, have fun."

Callie studied Arizona's face, certainly thinking up some excuse to stay. Arizona was definitely up to something.

"Alright."

Arizona sighed. "Okay, Teds. I finished the letter, but now it's time to make the tape."

Teddy took the letter Arizona had sealed with her tongue just seconds ago.

Arizona was making goodbye letters and goodbye tapes. She had a set specifically for Calliope. If anything was to ever happen, Teddy was supposed to hand these out.

It was like a "just in case" letter. A brief piece of insurance that was more like a curse for anyone who was going to receive them one day. If Arizona did live, she'd still keep them, just as a memory.

"Are you sure you wanna do this? You don't have to make letters and tapes for Callie and everyone-"

Arizona gave Teddy a glare. "If something happens, if we don't get to say goodbye properly, I just want to make sure these exist, alright? Even if we do get to say goodbye properly, I still want Callie and my parents and everyone else to have these. No matter what."

Teddy had a film of unshed tears resting on her eyes, begging, pleading to escape. "Arizona, you're acting like you're dying. There's still a chance."

"I'm not living my life on a chance, Teds."

Exhaling heavily, Teddy prepared the video camera.

"Okay. Whenever you're ready, Arizona."

Arizona sniffled. "I'm ready."

Arizona leaned over and retched into the toilet again for the fifth time in about an hour. Her parents were only in Seattle for a while, because they didn't think Arizona was as bad as she was.

She had thought it over, and she probably wasn't going to tell her parents the odds. Only Callie.

Her parents had already lost Tim, and it tore them in half. They still haven't fully recovered from it, the rift will always be there.

Hurling once more, but only a bit came out this time, she remembered the letter Tim had stashed somewhere in the house.

He had made a "just in case" letter months before he left to the Army. I guess everyone had one, because when brought up to his friends, they all went deep into thought.

When she learned the location of the letter, she wanted to read it immediately. But really, could she?

She remembered the rift, the emptiness that tore her into two as she read the first lines.

She never wanted Callie to ever have to feel like that, but just in case. Maybe it wasn't necessary, but it made her feel better.

Maybe it was really a downward slope from here on out?

Arizona was saying her goodbyes to her parents and was crying more than when they usually visit.

When asked of the chances of survival, Arizona lied. Callie seemed to never second guess it, always avoiding the topic. Somewhat, it hurt that Callie hadn't asked. But she knew, it was just Callie's way of avoiding it. Avoiding the worst, avoiding the possible. She wanted to stay with the impossible.

"Bye, Zona." Daniel said, gripping his daughter in a hug.

"Take care of yourselves, okay?"

Callie and Arizona nodded. "We will."

"Okay, I'm gonna go take your parents to the airport and come back, all right? Love you, Arizona."

Callie, too, had tears rolling down her cheek. Seemed like every time someone came near Arizona they were quietly crying, sobbing, or about to let tears fall. It was hard to tell.

Callie always came into the room with bright red, puffy eyes. I didn't think it was possible for her to cry anymore than she already had, but I guess I was wrong.

The most ironic thing is, Arizona was the one with the cancer.

I was the one dying. I was the one who was bald. I was the one puking all the time.

Yet I had, mostly, cried less than anybody else who had seen me. Hell, I had cried less than some nurses when they first found out.

I didn't cry all the time because I knew it wouldn't help. Sure, I cried at the beginning, but I guess I didn't really care anymore. I mostly only cried when I thought about Callie. Dying wasn't the scary part in this situation.

The scary part was leaving her wife, her soulmate, her best friend, Calliope. And how her death would affect Calliope.

I know she would be fine, deep down. It would hurt like hell, but she'd be fine. Callie was strong. Callie was the strongest woman Arizona knew, besides her mom, in a very long time.

The most heartbreaking thought, also, was that, although Arizona and Callie were married for a bit now, they never really got their chance.

They had a 70% chance working against their 30%. 30% chance that they could have kids, grow old together, spoil their grandkids.

70% chance that all of that could go down the drain, taking Arizona with it.

And her parents. They already lost Tim, and now Arizona was sure to go as well.

Callie walked into the room, stiff as ever. It's almost as if she knew Arizona was going to say something.

"Calliope, sit down."

Her eyes immediately grew bigger. "Arizona? Are you okay? Is-is something wrong-"

"No, no, I'm fine, besides the cancer." Arizona let out a light chuckle, making Callie smile even just a little bit.

"I just wanted to tell you about my, uh, survival rate."

Callie immediately blinked, letting the film of tears roll.

"I just didn't ask because-"

Arizona offered her wife a sympathetic smile. "I know why. It's okay."

Callie sniffled in between tears. "What is it? The-the survival rate."

Arizona started crying hard. "It's not good, babe. It's thirty percent."

Immediately, the sobs both Callie and Arizona were trying to keep back busted through their throats, taking them hostage.

"I'm so sorry, Arizona. I'm so sorry."

Callie literally laid on top of her wife, body shaking like an earthquake because of the sobs coming out of her body, and the muffled words that her vocal cords tried to produce.


	5. Chapter 5

A/U – Sorry for the severe lack of quick updates, lately I've been very busy with lots of things happening so if I can barely squeeze in computer time to write I'm lucky. I promise to try and be better!

I don't know what I was expected when I woke up this morning. Feeling worse than I ever have, Callie was trying her best to support me.

You can tell she'd rather be anywhere else than where she is right now, but she won't desert me. These last few months, you can see the struggle in her eye. The raw emotion. A few days ago, I coded. When I was finally brought back, she was sobbing. Her whole face was completely devoid of any emotion that wasn't absolute fear.

-CALLIE'S POV

"Mark, she coded. Like, she was just sitting there, reading a book, perfectly fine. And then two seconds later, she almost _died. _Like, I thought she was gone."

_Oh my God, she's coding._

_"CODE BLUE!" I yell, slamming my hand on the button. I start with CPR, but a whole slew of nurses, doctors and anyone else within a 5 mile radius flies into the room and pulls me back._

_She's just sitting there, coding. Is she going to die? I don't even know if I can cry anymore. _

_The tears start flowing hot, almost like lava. I can barely see over the thick, ever growing film of tears. I can barely hear over the piercing yelling of every nurse. _

_"Charge to 300!.."_

_"Clear!"_

_The monitor starts beeping regularly. _

"I couldn't even move. I just didn't know what to do."

Mark sighed, not even sure what to say. I mean, what do you say when your best friend's wife has cancer and almost died a few days ago? You honestly can't say anything.

"You tried your best, Callie. I probably would have done the same thing."

Callie walked into Arizona's room, speechless. They hadn't talked much, mainly because Arizona barely had the strength to eat. It was an inevitability, Arizona wasn't going to make it for much longer.

Arizona turned her head to look at Callie, still silent. When words were spoken, it was like they shot Callie through the heart.

How was it that just months ago, Callie and Arizona were happy? Thinking about children, maybe. Continuing medical research, saving lives, coming home to each other at night and cuddling.

It seemed like all the problems they had forever ago, Arizona not wanting children and Africa, were completely null and void. Compared to this? Those were the easy times.

"I'm sorry, Cal-" Arizona whispered, only to be broken off by a wave of breathlessness.

Shaking her head, Callie felt numb. Tears ceased to flow anymore, the raw power of their circumstances slapping her in the face. Pouring salt in a very open, very deep, never healing wound.

"It's not your fault, baby." Callie whispered back, taking Arizona's hand in hers. "I'm sorry, too."

Arizona let out a small smile. "For what?" She rasped.

"I don't know. For everything. I'd give anything to switch places with you, Arizona. I don't know what to do without you. I can't _make _it without you."

"You can, Cal." She said, as if it was the easiest answer to the hardest question ever spoken. "You'll find that you can, because if you don't I'm gonna kick your ass."

Callie let out a deep laugh, rejoicing in the fact that Arizona can still set Callie straight.

"You have to promise me something, Calliope." Arizona mumbled.

Callie swallowed, knowing this was going to be a hard hitting question. "What?"

"You have to promise me that you'll move on, okay? Don't completely forget me, though."

Callie shook her head. "I could never forget you, Arizona Robbins."

Teddy sat down next to Arizona, who was currently sleeping. She shook her head, unable to believe that this was Arizona Robbins, her kickass pediatric surgeon friend.

She didn't want to have to give all the letters and tapes they made in case Arizona did die, but if she wouldn't do it, Arizona would kick her ass. Or something like that, anyways.

She knew that everyone would only have fond things to say about Arizona. She was an amazing friend, had a good sense of humor, everything.

"Callie, you should really go home for a bit. I haven't seen you sleep in days, and when was the last time you took a decent shower? And eaten something that wasn't a muffin?" Mark suggested, hoping Callie would bite. She hasn't left the hospital in ages.

"Mark, honestly? I can't leave. I don't want to leave."

"Please, Callie? Just for a few hours. Arizona will be fine, honestly."

"I don't know, Mark. I have a bad feeling about leaving. I just can't." Callie insisted.

Mark sighed. "If anything happens, I will page you 911. But, nothing is going to happen. Just leave for a bit, huh?"

Callie mumbled something under her breath that sounded like _a bit bossy lately, huh? _But ended up nodding. "Fine. But only for like, 5 hours. That's it."

"See you then, Cal."

Mark embraced his friend in a quick hug, and practically shoved her out the door.

"Eat something that isn't from a convenience store, Callie!" he yelled after her.

Callie shook her head, unsure why she let Mark convince her into leaving. She had a bad feeling about this.

A/N – Sorry for the super duper short update but I couldn't leave you guys hanging any longer!


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